Add and I 

So I can’t put into words how adhd makes me feel. I thought that my main problems sprouted from my mood disorder but the further along in my life I get I realise that they don’t. Have you ever sat in a crowded restaurant and shut your eyes and felt overwhelmed like the noise is roaring over you,  I have. I can’t hear you when you speak to me,  I see  your lips move but not what you are saying. I can’t hear you, I don’t understand you it’s like lip reading but I’m not deaf and I can hear every other conversation in the room but yours. I can’t read because the words and long paragraphs frustrate me to the point where I end up throwing the book against the wall even when I really want to read it. I want to organise my life, I want to be debt free and live life less chaotically but I don’t know how. I think the worst part is the waking up one day and knowing its time to go.. That sick feeling in your stomach that its time to leave town no matter good your life is right now that nothing can ever be truly stable. It’s that look of resignation on people’s faces as you pack everything into yet another suitcase and move to another location. A new job,  a new home, a fresh start, over and over again because if you ignore it you get super ill. I can never promise anything to anyone because tomorrow I may not be here. This is my reality that tomorrow I may wake up and my body will scream out for a new start somewhere else,  that I can’t read the books I’ve been set, that I struggle beyond anything with organisation, that tomorrow my friends may leave me because I’ve pushed them away as they are the only ones who can stop me going. I thought the bipolar was hard but dealing with that was only the beginning, it’s a long road for my adhd and I 

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