The Alternative Attic has been my dream since I was a young child. When people ask me when I became a designer I never know how to answer because design has always been a part of me what I lacked was the confidence and self belief. I didn’t believe I was good enough to make it, that only people with the right faces make it. At 8 years old I used to sit down and design clothes I’d run downstairs to show my parents what I’d done and I’d get that’s nice dear. I stopped believing in myself and my abilities and as I got older it changed to designing skateboards and t shirts . At 19 I wanted to start my own business just small at first selling the skateboards I’d made down at Camden market. I was told to forget that idea it would just be a waste of money. So I changed my plans and went to university to study graphic design. And do you know what I hated it, I hated the idea of being creatively told what to do. Suddenly the course was all about digital design and I fell out of love with the idea. I made the worst mistake of my life and I forgot my dreams. I gave all of them up in the search of the cozy office job with the 9-5 and the decent pay packet. But a part of me was dying inside and eventually I began to wake up to the fact that I’m not an office person. I can’t do it, I struggled to sell my soul for a comfortable life. Eventually they made me redundant and I had a breakdown from the pressure I put on my body and my mind. I decided that travel is where I’d find my answers about to do next with my life. I was totally lost I’d taken out my piercings, dyed my hair a normal colour and given up all my dreams for a job that lasted less than a year. Travelling was hard, I lost my airs and graces. If I had a roof over my head and food in my stomach I was happy. But the worry was constant how am I going to pay for the hotel tonight, can I afford food today. This was the price I paid for the freedom to go back to being myself. I wasn’t truly happy there either but I think the turning point was walking into a book store in Melbourne. I found this book called roadmap what to do when you can’t figure what to do with your life. I absorbed that book, I found out that the feelings I had in the office were normal. That I had stepped off the assembly line and that’s the hardest thing you can do in your life. I learnt about the noise and recognised that I needed a filter to block bad noise from the good. That I had been listening to bad noise for most of my adult life. I started to believe that maybe if I worked hard enough my dream of running my own business could be a reality. So I started thinking about leaving Australia and coming back to Britain to start up my business. I’d lost all the heart to keep running at the brick wall that is the Australian job market and it’s not got any easier now I’ve come home. Part time work barely pays the bills, still in debt, part time degree, given up any form of a social life to make this work. It’s taken 10 years but I can honestly say I believe. Success comes hard, it comes with overdrafts and maxed out credit cards. It comes with a lot of pain, anxiety and self doubt. But for the first time in my life I’m going to fight for it not run away. So bring on 2018 and everything it brings.