I have a mental illness, there we go I said it. Actually I have two. Now what happens? Are you going to think i’m insane? I know I’m insane, for every single person in the past who suffered because their brain chemistry was a bit wonky I take that word and I own it. We used to strap people down and shock them if they were deemed to have depression or be deemed them not to be normal. Without insanity, without that spark that drives some people to do brilliant things from pain. We wouldn’t have some of the best literature, art, poetry and music ever created. I could list the artists, poets, musicians, writers that suffered with mental illnesses but I don’t have enough space.
Some of my greatest influences created a beauty from their own trauma’s, to be able to take that part of you where it hurts so much you can’t stand it and twist it into something beautiful that someone else can understand and relate too is an amazing gift but its also a curse. I have bipolar disorder and that means my brain sends me into periods where I’m so high I can fly and some days I struggle to get out of bed. It really is that simple. Some days I can’t face the world, all I can see is pain and this is when I write and some days I can feel it and I let it drive me. I have learnt that my life is a roller coaster and that’s something I have to live with. I also have ADHD and that means I struggle to settle anywhere, get bored easily and don’t really fit into society’s patterns.
I have faced discrimination because I am so honest. I have been demoted from a position I was clearly able to do when I opened up to my employer about my problems yet I have never once been late for work, called sick once in 2 years, am always reliable and drag myself through bad days. I’m doing the job any way just not being paid for it. This has made me scared to open to people and just tell them I have depression or anxiety. I’ve been scared into being quiet about my problems and how they affect me on a daily basis. I’ve fought through my dark days and I’m not afraid to share that with the world. Nobody should be afraid to chase their dreams, explore their passions and live their life because of a label that society has put upon them.
So for those of you where this is a bad day it’s time to talk, open up, write it down. Tomorrow can be beautiful or it can be as dark as today is but you’ve already made it through yesterday. Having the strength to face tomorrow when it’s almost always dark is the bravest act you can do, for that I honour you. And I’ll be here when you when you want to talk and as it’s mental health awareness day we all need to be more open and screw the judgement. So guys if you agree with me and my insane self leave your comments below.